I'm just going to stumble through this

How you celebrate Mothers' Day is not just about how your mother parented (or not), but also about how you perceive and receive your mother's parenting. Too wordy? What I mean is, my mom is probably a great mom to lots of other people, and I actually really like that. But she was not a good mom for me. I love that there have been other young women in my mom's life that she has been able to competently mother. Be that as it may, I have a difficult relationship with her. I struggle with her. She forgets that she struggled with me. I repeat the same mistakes with my daughter, but I try to be a little more aware. I am certainly more vocal. We talk A LOT in our house. As a mother, you cannot be all things to your children. As a mother inadequately mothered, sometimes I think you have no way of knowing what's adequate and what's not.

There are memories that I absolutely treasure of my mom. She was fantastic in the middle of the night when I retched with coughing. She allowed me to follow my whims and she pushed me to keep swimming, even when I hardly had time for it. She drove me everywhere, or if not everywhere, she found someone to take me.

But my mother lacked boundaries. She lacked perception about other people. She asked too much of me.

I know how to drive now, I know how to drive my kids to do what they need to do and how to allow them do what they want to do. But knowing boundaries, self-awareness, where I end and they begin...those are places where I do not have an adequate template. Maybe none of us do.

So, as we approach this mom-tacular weekend, I want to do what I do every mothers' day. Make a quick call to my mom, preferably an email. And then ignore the whole thing.